Appropriately Disciplining Your Children Is Essential For Raising Up A Godly Generation

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Today we got a good message. This is a message that is very powerful. If you are a parent, it applies primarily to you. If you are a child, it also applies to you. If you are an adult, you are no longer living with your parents, you are out on your own but you haven’t had your own family yet, then watch this and apply it to your life.

Treasure it up, store it up in your heart so that when the time comes for you to have children, you will be better equipped to raise those children in a godly way. Let’s open up with a verse. So turn with me to Proverbs 23 Verses 13 and 14, “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.”

What does that mean? Does that mean you need to get a stick out and if your child does something bad you start beating them up? No, no that is not what this means. This means that if you punish a child, you save them from death. Why? Well, if a child does something bad, they don’t yet know that it’s bad in some cases.

In other cases, they may be a teenager and they may be acting out or intentionally doing things to make you upset. If that is the case then you have your work cut out for you, because they are very very uninclined to listen. But you could get them going to a youth group or you could get them to listen to someone else.

Chances are there is someone in their life that has a good influence on that teenager and that they do listen to, so you need to go to that person and appeal to them and say, “Hey, I cannot connect with my kid, it is not working, can you try to reach them through XYZ?”

Then later you guys can repair that relationship and maybe it is something like, “Hey, get them to watch this message and then that could help change their heart,” or, “Hey, can you speak with them?”

The chances are whatever you do it is a delicate situation, but if you have children of the age that they are not rebellious, then disciplining them is something that you can do to help save them from death.

What does this mean? Well if a child grows up thinking that doing these bad things is okay, then they are living in sin and the wages of sin is death. So by teaching them right from wrong, you are saving them from the wages of their sin, which is death.

So save them from that. Instill good character in your children, [and] punish them appropriately. Now that is the keyword, “appropriately.”

If you are a parent and you have a spouse that you are raising these children with, you guys need to be on the same page. Are you going to spank your children? Now spank—not beat. There is a difference and a lot of people think, “Oh, spanking is beating, it is so bad.” No, all punishments within reason are okay. Though it may seem unpleasant at the time, it will help.

Now the reason people don’t like spanking is because a lot of times it’s a parent taking out their anger by hitting their child. Now if that is what is happening, then yes, it is wrong. It cannot be done.

If you have that anger inside of you and that is a release of your anger, then you should not be spanking your children. But if the spanking is something done as a punishment for something the child did wrong, and it is not a release inside of you, then it is appropriate.

Now is it appropriate to hit them? Are you going to give 5 — like what is the right number? That is between you and your wife obviously, spanking a kid 10 times? I think once is probably enough, they get the point, and then if they continue to do it, maybe you need to go through different punishments. It can’t always be the same thing.

Some things may not work on children. Maybe they like spanking for some reason, so you have to look at all aspects of the situation. There are always a lot of variables. The silent treatment — that used to be a punishment that people would say, “We are going to do that, we won’t talk to them for a couple of days. They can talk to their siblings but we won’t respond to them.” It is like they don’t exist.

That would hurt, it could really hurt a child. Their emotions, their mind—that could really damage their mental well-being if they think all of a sudden you don’t love them anymore [or] they don’t exist to you. It depends on their state for the type of punishment you choose to use.

But the point is, you have to be on the same page as your spouse. If maybe, you and your spouse are separated and your children go from home to home, how they get disciplined in one place and the standards that they have to uphold in one place needs to be the same at the other.

Even if you guys are fighting, as adults, you have got to be on the same page when it comes to raising your children. This is very very important.

Too many children nowadays are disrespectful and undisciplined. Children used to address other people as ma’am and sir. Watch an old episode of “Leave it to Beaver.” When an adult came into the room, the kids stood up as a sign of respect as an elder entered the room. We stand up as a sign of respect. They called him “Sir.” They called their mom “Ma’am.”

Then it became “Mr” and “Mrs.” When I was growing up, we always had to address everyone as “Mr” and “Mrs” by their last name. Nowadays, it is a first-name basis. Children call people by their first names and that is it now. Did the respect leave?

Is the discipline going or is it just becoming more casual? That depends on the dynamic. Maybe someone doesn’t like being referred to as a “Mr” or “Mrs.” Maybe they want to be more personal; that is up to them, but the children still need to be taught to be respectful when using that name.

I will never forget, I was in Honduras one time and there were a bunch of kids, and it was a really long day and we were driving back from being out into the villages with these kids. These kids grew up in an orphanage that we were with, and I was in a van with about 10 children and 2 other adults.

And these children were probably from the ages of 7 to 12—so very young and everybody was hungry. We hadn’t eaten since like, let’s say, 5 o’clock and this was now like 10 o’clock. We were trying to get back to the orphanage so that these children could go have supper, and they missed supper. Why did they miss supper?

Well because there was a catastrophe where one child, not of the orphanage, some random child on the street got injured and so the owners of the orphanage said, “We need to help that kid.” So, they took him to the hospital, and after this day’s events, we were going to go back and check on the child that was in the hospital.

He had to go for surgery. He had a punctured spleen and organs very bad. The child was going to die, so they saved his life earlier in the day. They brought him to the hospital, and now we were going back, and someone had to pay the bill. The orphanage people were going to put it on a credit card and on the way there they said, “We need to go through a drive-through to buy some food.”

Well, that made sense to me. I thought, “This is great. These poor kids are starving; they hadn’t eaten, and they missed supper.” Now we are going to go through this drive-through and the owner of the orphanage orders some food. They get 3 meals and that is it, and I am thinking 3 meals?

This food, the ladies told the children in another language so I didn’t quite understand everything, but told the children that “the food is not for you. The food is to be taken to the hospital for the family of this child who is going to die. We are bringing them food. We are going to the hospital and I don’t want to hear anything about it,” basically, in a nice way.

All these kids are in the van, I am in the van, a couple of other adults are in the van, and this food comes in and it smells so good. Now these children are not, let’s say, privileged. They are not of good means; so fast food to them would be like a deluxe restaurant for you.

This is something they never got and so to smell this food and to have it right there, they are already hungry, they missed supper so they know that when they get back to the orphanage there may not be something for them to eat.

But this food is now in the car and they are hungry and, in my experience, children of America would be whining and complaining and saying that they want some food, and they would be all upset about why they didn’t get any food right there. Why are you buying it for someone else? Why can’t I eat any? All kinds of things, and if you have children, you know this to be true.

Would your kids not say anything? I am not kidding, these children in the van, they did not say one word. They did not complain that the food wasn’t for them. They didn’t say, “Oh I wish I could have some of that, it smells so good”—nothing. They didn’t say a thing. Why? Because they were taught to be respectful. They were disciplined.

Now the lady didn’t beat them and say, “You are not saying anything.” No, they respected her; they respected their dynamic. They knew that without that orphanage, they would be dead and they knew that that person cared for them. They trusted them. So when they were told your food will be at home, they knew their food would be at home and this food was not theirs. They respected that.

Anyway, we continued on. We went to the hospital. The kid was okay [and] out of surgery. We gave the food to them. We ended up praying with those people. They became Christians. The father had Jesus in his life, then, basically—I mean it was incredible—the owner of the orphanage, she just right out said, “You need to ask Jesus into your life right now” and he did it.

Then, later on, I mean everything changed. It totally changed. The parents were separated, later on, they became more civil. I don’t know if they got back together but the child is okay. As we went on, we finally got back to the orphanage at like midnight. So literally, a long time, and the children got up. They called the lady mama; [they] said, “Mama, where is the food?” and then they all went in, and I am not sure if they got to eat or not.

I think they did, obviously, but the point is they were so respectful of that situation and of that instance that they were willing to wait because they trusted that food would be there. They got home and they did have food waiting for them as a matter of fact, because we went to a different place, we ate and then I remember bringing over some extra food that we had to those kids and sharing it, and seeing the joy on their face was unbelievable.

It is incredible. I think that that lesson is something that we can take for our children as well. We need to be raising children that are that obedient. That if we say, “Hey, this isn’t for you,” that they instantly listen and know and understand and respect it. Why do they believe that? Why did they believe that?

I think there are a couple of things that we can take away from that story or that experience, and the number one thing is those children trusted their parents or their leader or their caregiver. They trusted and that is huge trust. Then they also respected them enough to trust them.

Those are two things that you need to really instill in your family. Respect should be taught to be given by children. Children should automatically give respect to elders and adults, but for elders and adults, it is not because “I said so” or “Because I am older than you,” or “Because I am your elder,” that respect needs to be proven—that they are worthy of receiving that respect.

By default, a child should respect an elder. But if that elder cannot prove to that child that they are worthy of keeping that respect, then that child will no longer respect them. As elders, it is our duty to prove to children that we are worthy of their respect. How do we do that? By being trustworthy, by treating them like a normal human being and not a dumb kid.

By allowing them to ask questions and learn and being willing to teach them and when they know that they can trust us—that we have their back. That we would save their life. That we would die for our kids. Then they will respect us. They will do what we ask. Why? Because they know that we would die for them; that we have their best interests at heart.

It’s like your spouse. That should be the same relationship. Wives are to submit to their husbands, not in a submissive dominant-type thing, but the wife should know that no matter what, that husband is going to die for her if it comes down to it. They trust him so much that if he says, “Hey, we need to do this,” she respects him enough and he has earned that respect. She says, “Okay, I trust you because I know that you know what is best for us.”

Of course, they may have an opinion or it is not because “I said so,” it is a dynamic; they talk it out but ultimately the head of the household, again different message, the head of the household when that decision is made it, needs to be trusted. The children respect it. The wife respects it. The husband cannot be making these decisions without any counsel from God, counsel from the spouse, the wife, and so on.

These children that we raise up as Christians, they need to be exceptionally well-behaved. It is not the attitude of, “You are not the boss of me.” Whether it is an uncle, a neighbor, a grandparent, someone says something about that child or to that child, “Hey do this,” ‘Do that,” that child should not be responding with “You are not the boss of me,” “You are not my dad,” or “You are not my mom.”

Of course, unless it is a stranger, you don’t want your kids just walking off with some random people as today’s world is very bad. But they should be taught to give that respect. Then it needs to be kept. The adults around need to know that they need to also prove that they care for those children. That they are trustworthy.

Obviously, you are probably not going to let your children be cared for by random strangers. You already trust them so that child should know that they are trustworthy. Continuing on the point is if you are a Christian, your children need to be disciplined.

Proverbs 29:15 says, “A rod and reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.” Your children again need to be exceptionally well-behaved. They need to be children of God. They need to be the example.

When you go to your parent/teacher conferences, the teacher needs to say to you, “Your child is so well-mannered, so well-behaved, very exceptional; they stand out from the crowd not because of academic excellence or because they are a horrible child and we have to reprimand them all the time, but because they listen. We notice your child sits there, it is very respectful, well-mannered, I can’t believe it.”

That needs to be said of your kid’s Sunday school, daycare school, evening programs, youth groups, whatever through ages. That is your goal. You want people to say that of your child—“I can’t believe it.”

Even walking in the grocery store, “Wow, I can’t believe how well-behaved your child is.” That needs to happen. Your children need to be the example for the other children around them. We need to be the salt and the light of the world.

Matthew 5:13-16, this is Jesus talking, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled.”

Basically, if your child starts becoming disrespectful and they stop being the salt, you too, if you stop being the salt of the earth, you are no good. No good for what? No good for growing the Kingdom of God.

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” You are the light. Do you hide and not share your light or do you get out there and share your light? Light of what? You are the light and you bring more people to Christ.

“Let your light shine so that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” You want people to see you as an embodiment of Christ and that they see you and say, “Wow, you are a Christian? You are different from everyone else. I want to be different too. I want to be like you, give me that,” and then you can share Christ with them.

The character of your children is up to you. You have a tremendous, tremendous responsibility and a calling on your life. Once you become a parent, you have to raise that child to be the salt and the light of the earth to be an example for others. How do you instill good character in your children? You discipline them appropriately.

Two more verses then we will wrap it up. Let’s go to Exodus 20:12. This is for you kids who are listening. “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.”

It is the only commandment with a promise. You honor your father and mother and you will live a long life, so make sure you honor them. How do you honor them? By listening to them. By being obedient. By being a child of God.

Let’s do 3 more verses because there is one more proverb that I want to read. Proverbs 22 Verse 6, “Train a child in the way they should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

So, parents, you train a child to be a godly child and when they grow up, when they go off to college and you are worried about them in a secular world or in these colleges where they may not be going to church, if you raise them right they will stay on the right path.

That is really comforting. That is biblical. They will stay there. Last verse. Ephesians 6:1, “Children, obey your parents in the LORD, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ —which is the first commandment with a promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’”

The rest of this Chapter, Ephesians 6, is great for children and parents. I encourage you to read it in your household. It is not very long, about one page in your Bible and it shows and tells you about fathers and mothers and children and how you are to raise them and the dynamic you should have together.

Remember children, respect your elders by default, give them that respect. And elders, earn that respect. Respect is given and you must work to keep it. How do you do that? Prove you are worthy of that trust and that respect. Trust is earned, and that is why you, children, need to obey your parents because you trust them.

Parents, be trustworthy, be good, don’t lie about anything with your kids, tell them the truth. Treat them like a responsible adult, give them that responsibility, and allow the children to earn your trust as well so that they can show what they can and cannot handle. Remember no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but it will produce growth.

Let’s pray. Lord Jesus, thank You for this message. Thank You so much for giving us the road map right here on how we are to discipline children and raise them. Help us to do that. Lord Jesus, I ask that every single parent out there would internalize this and know that they need to discipline their children appropriately.

That it would be done with love and not with anger. That they would be able to find the appropriate disciplining methods for their children that are effective and that are character-building instead of tearing down.

Lord, I ask that each and every child out there, that they would give the parents and their elders the respect, and trust and that those parents and elders would earn that respect and trust and keep it. So that these children would be set apart, Lord, that they can be the salt and light of the earth.

That we will raise up that next generation to be salt and light, and that they would shine no matter where they go. That their parents would be receiving compliments about their children and how well-behaved they are because that is ultimately a compliment on good parenting. Lord Jesus, I ask all of this in Your name we pray. Amen.

If you need help parenting your children I encourage you to check out some resources online that are produced by Christian people, “Focus on the Family” would be a great one. In addition, if you need prayer or support in any way, comment below and hopefully share this video on your social media to spark some interaction and some comments and everything.

Let’s inspire others to be great parents and to be great children so that we can stand out as salt and light of the earth. God bless.

“The Practical Side of Gospel-Centered Parenting” – Purposeful Motherhood